12 August 2009

The Butter-Cutter on Banning Internet Social Networking Sites

Anthony F. Milavic

Major, United States Marine Corps (Retired)

I rushed into Virtual Mess Hall in an attempt to escape an oppressively hot August day. The effort proved futile for the Mess Hall was little cooler than the outside as a consequence of a broken air-conditioning system. Never the less, I walked up to the Chow Line and The Butter-Cutter, who was, himself, perspiring, and asked, “Have you heard that the Corps has placed an 'Immediate Ban' on all Marines accessing 'Internet Social Networking Sites' such as Twitter, Facebook, and Myspace?” (1)

“Damn straight! We're bad-ass Marines, Man. Bad-ass Marines ain't got no time fer that tweet-shit 'n' makin' civilian friends on Facebook. We gotta keep our warrior edge! OORAH!”

“Well, I'm surprised. I thought you would be offended by this MARADMIN Directive,” I said to The Butter-Cutter.

“HELL NO! F*** ALL THEM CIVILIAN PUKES! Marines got no friends but other Marines! OOOORRRRRAAAAHH!” he shot back.

“Well,” I said to The Butter-Cutter, “the Department of Defense has its own Facebook page and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mullen, has over 4,000 people following him on Twitter.” (2)

“F*** the Chairman o' Spear-Chuckers! He's a Swabbie, anyhow, 'n' not a Marine!” (3)

The Butter-Cutter was not responding in his usual fashion, so I tried another tact. “In that Directive, the Corps says: 'THESE INTERNET SITES IN GENERAL ARE A PROVEN HAVEN FOR MALICIOUS ACTORS AND CONTENT AND ARE PARTICULARLY HIGH RISK DUE TO INFORMATION EXPOSURE, USER GENERATED CONTENT AND TARGETING BY ADVERSARIES. THE VERY NATURE OF [these sites] CREATES A LARGER ATTACK AND EXPLOITATION WINDOW, EXPOSES UNNECESSARY INFORMATION TO ADVERSARIES AND PROVIDES AN EASY CONDUIT FOR INFORMATION LEAKAGE THAT PUTS OPSEC, COMSEC, PERSONNEL AND THE [Marine Corps Network] AT AN ELEVATED RISK OF COMPROMISE.' If that's true, it would appear that the Chairman, potentially speaking, is at greater risk to those dangers than rank and file Marines.”  (1) 

“HELL NO! That means the Commandant o' Spear-Chuckers knows Marines are inta more good shit than the Chairman o' Spear-Chuckers 'n' he's taken defensive action with that Directive. Didn't ya understand what ya read? Them sites got all kindda spies 'n' adversaries on 'em like Communists, Nazis, Demoncrats, terrorists, Massachewshits, Jihadists, Californuts, 'n' whatever that are out ta steal secrets 'n' f*** over us poor dumb-shit Marines. Man, why I gotta tell ya that? How come ya don't see that by yerself?” The Butter-Cutter asked.

I dodge the question by asking, “Don't you understand? This restriction only applies to the use of Marine Corps' computers on Marine Corps' networks in accessing these sites? Marines can still log onto and participate on Twitter, Facebook, and any other Internet Social Networking Site if they use their personal computers. They are, then, susceptible to the dangers the Corps described on these sites!”

“HELL NO! Don't ya know Marines don't take work home with them? They leave all that Marine Corps SECRET SHIT back on the job ta make sure they don't give it up er whatever. OOOOORRRRAAAAHHHH! Hell no, Man, that's what we call bein' professional MOTHERF***ERS! DOUBLE OOORRRRAAAAHHHH!” and The Butter-Cutter slammed the steam table with his fist.

I just didn't believe The Butter-Cutter was being candid with me. So, I cut to the chase, “WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME ON?“ I asked sharply.   

It caught him off guard and he said, “Maaan, it's jest too freakin' hot ta argue with ya . . . OK? All right! All right! This is all BULL SHIT . . . BULL SHIT! Anyhow . . . we talked about them generals usin' the Internet before . . . remember?” (4)

“So, you agree that the action by the Marine Corps in terminating the use of government computers to access Internet Social Networking Sites is . . . ill-advised?”

'No! No! No! There ya go again changin' what I say! WE AIN'T NEVER BEEN ABLE TA USE GOVERNMENT STUFF FER PERSONAL SHIT! That Directive thing that says 'IMMEDIATE BAN' on that shit is BULL SHIT! The BAN'S always been there!”

I stared at The Butter-Cutter for a moment, then, said, “When all is said and done this MARADMIN Directive is meaningless?”

“Maan, either yer stuck on officer-type stupid er the freakin' heat has got ta ya. NO! it does mean somethin' when the Head-Shed o' the United States Marine Corps goes out in writin' . . . I repeat, GOES OUT IN WRITIN' sayin' that the Marine Corps sees United States of AMERICA Internet Social Networking Sites as TOO DANGEROUS FOR MARINES BECAUSE OF THE ADVERSARIES THERE! THINK MAN! Who the f*** are the people usin' them sites that the Corps calls 'ADVERSARIES'? Americans . . . Man, AMERICANS! The Corps is sayin' AMERICANS ARE OUR ADVERSARIES!”

The Butter-Cutter picked up a towel and began wiping the perspiration from his face as I stood there digesting what he had said. The Corps, my Marine Corps says, “AMERICANS ARE OUR ADVERSARIES?” NO! NO! NO! HEAT OR NO HEAT, I AM OUT OF HERE!

Semper Americans, 

Anthony F. Milavic

Major USMC (Ret.)

(1) http://www.marines.mil/news/messages/Pages/MARADMIN0458-09.aspx  

(2) http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/2009/08/marine_socialnetworking_080409w/

(3) http://www.thebutter-cutter.com/The_DoD_Spear-Chuckers.html 

(4) http://thebutter-cutter.com/Generals_Use_YouTube.html

WADDAYA THINK?

(7 Thinks)