6 January 2009

The Butter-Cutter On The New Year

I walked into the virtual Mess Hall invigorated by the fact that we were in a new year. I tried to pass on that spirit to The Butter-Cutter with an enthusiastic, “Happy New Year!”

“Screw it! It ain't started happy fer me,” he answered.

“Why? What happened to sour your attitude?” I asked.

“I thought I was gonna start the year gettin' laid. When it was time ta leave the party at '0' bright early on New Year's Day, the bitch left with another guy! So, I started this year gettin' dumped instead! Bad Shit, man! Baad Shit!”

“Well, on the other hand, it appears that Iraq had a good New Year's Day. The Iraqi government declared that the country had its sovereignty back as they assumed responsibility for their own security from the U.S. At the same time, we began the count-down to leave that country,” I said to The Butter-Cutter.

“Yeah, it ain't a 'W' 'n' it ain't an 'L'; I give it a Good Enough Shit! But, tell me! How much credit did our freakin' media give us fer that turnover ta the Iraqis? Diddley Squat! So, I say: BAD SHIT on the liberal %$#*&^#@* media!” he added.

“It appears that some of the U.S. combat forces in Iraq will be shifted to Afghanistan to pursue the Taliban in that country and in its border regions with Pakistan. What is your reaction to those moves?”

“Like I told ya last year, BAD SHIT! Them Northern Alliance guys whipped the Talley-Banners without our trigger-pullers the first time. I don't understand why they can't do it again . . . now!” he answered. (1)

“Well, I understand that we will have a major roll in training them. Also . . . “

“BAD SHIT!” The Butter-Cutter shot back before I finished my question. “Them Afghans have beaten a gazillion invaders 'n' them dumb-shit Pentagon Spear-Chuckers think we can teach them how ta fight?!? They aughtta go over there with their Spear-Chucker hats in their hands 'n' BEG the Afghans ta teach THEM how ta fight--HUMONGOUS BAD SHIT!!”

“OK! OK! What do you think of our economy? It appears that we are in a deep recession.”

“Good Shit!” he jumped to answer.

“How can you say that? People are losing their homes!” I challenged him.

“Man, I, me, ain't losin' nothin': gas fer my car cost half what it did a couple months ago; the malls got all kinds o' stuff on sale; 'n', my credit card interest is the lowest ever. Good Shit!” he continued.

Obviously, I thought to myself, there were some questions I should not ask The Butter-Cutter. “The New Year has brought a flare-up in the Middle-East. What . . .”

“. . .THEIR SHIT! Them Semites-'n' I mean them Jews 'n' Arabs BOTH-gonna keep killin' each other 'til they figger out that their ALL Semites 'n' brothers . . . 'n' there ain't NOTHIN' anybody's gonna do otherwise ta fix it! It's gotta be them . . . between them!” The Butter-Cutter lamented with disgust. (2)

“The Corps continues in its effort to replace the Squad Automatic Weapon, or, SAW, with a new weapon called, the 'Infantry Automatic Rifle,' or, IAR.”

“Double Bad Shit! They're goin' from the SAW with a 200-round belt o' ammo ta this IAR usin' magazines holdin' 20 'n' 30 rounds o' popgun 5.56mm bullets. So, them . . . whoever the f*** they are . . . gonna give the troops, already hurtin' fer a bullet with one-round knockdown power, a new weapon with LESS firepower! These guys ain't stuck on stupid, they invented stupid! Double Bad Shit!” (3)    

“A couple of weeks ago, we talked about the pirate situation. Since then, I understand a French ship captured some pirates; but, it doesn't appear that the issues of the Saudi tanker and the ship with the Russian tanks and other weapons have been resolved,” I mentioned.

“Maan . . . Pussy Shit! That's what it is 'n' that makes us a bunch o' wailin', do-nothin', PUSSIES! 'n', ya know what else? The freakin' Pentagon Spear-Chuckers really 'n' truly don't give a shit! They're happy ta sit on their freakin' hands 'n' wait 'til they get transferred er somebody gives 'em the 'It wasn't my idea!' excuse by orderin' them ta do somethin'! PENTAGON PUSSY SHIT!” (4)

“Along with a number of other issues, the things we just discussed are all carry-overs from last year. Never-the-less, the President-elect has promised 'change'; so, I think we should all look to 20 January-Inauguration Day-- with high-hopes,” I said in trying to mollify The Butter-Cutter.

“High hopes fer Obama ta change that shit? Maan, ya don't remember what the guy on the left side o' this Chow Line told ya-Obama's gonna 'talk sweet 'n' change!' In the language o' the 'hood,' that means he's gonna 'shuck 'n' jive'; 'n', in my language, that means, 'JIVE SHIT!' ” (5)

Semper . . .

Anthony F. Milavic

Major USMC (Ret.)

(1) http://www.thebutter-cutter.com/Afghanistan_Surge.html

(2) http://www.thebutter-cutter.com/The_Holy_Land.html

(3) http://www.thebutter-cutter.com/USMC_Rifle_w_Old_Bullet.html

(4) http://www.thebutter-cutter.com/The_Butter-Cutter_On_Pirate.html

(5) http://www.thebutter-cutter.com/Obama_s_Change.html

 Waddaya think?

Dino(saur) said:   January 6th, 2009 5:44 am

Like about a year ago I said to a Pakistano Muslim friend, "If you, the Palestinians and the Jews ever achieve an Alliance, I'll worry." He agreed that I should.

GI said:   January 6th, 2009 7:18 pm

Butter Cutter is right...there is a bight spot to a recession ! If the recession is deep and the bail out kitty runs dry, those "citizens" who have always expected and had the USG take of them and protect them will learn to be more accountable and responsible for taking care of themselves instead of the USG or a State saving them entitlements for all...citizens and not....for the USG or a State will no longer be able to afford to....perhaps folks will again come me to believe ALL should serve their country in one way or another....military, Peace Corps, etc

OscarM said:   January 8th, 2009 10:56 am

Love the New Year synopsis.

Jeff said:   January 8th, 2009 2:32 pm

The butter cutter failed to remind us of the production and introduction of Green ammo to our troops in iraq/afghan. Tragecially, the powers-to-be are more concerned with shooting up the environment than shoting enemy combatants. Is that what a leaders responsibility of 'the welfare of the troops' is about?

AM said:   January 9th, 2009 7:41 pm

Don't tell the Butter Cutter: it was announced today, 9 January, that a $3,000,000 ransom was paid to the pirates for the Saudi tanker.