2 September 2008

The Butter-Cutter On “Camel Toes”

I was leaning against the steam table drinking a cup of coffee with no specific topic in mind for The Butter-Cutter when I heard one of the Marines in the virtual Mess Hall use the term “Camel Toes.” So, I asked The Butter-Cutter, “What is that all about? 'Camel Toes?' “ (1)

“Camel Toes?” he repeated. “Oh, that's just a name we had back in Iraq 'n' Afghanistan fer a pussy?” he explained.

“I don't understand the relationship. What is the similarity between that part of a woman's anatomy and a camel's toes?” I persisted.

“Man, it's when a woman wears real tight pants, like spandex, her pussy shows through lookin' like a camel's toes. Over there, we didn't have alotta opportunities fer our 'needs,' so the troops named that picture, 'Camel Toes' ta have somethin' ta talk about. That's all,” he said. *

“Well, why not? Every generation comes up with their own words,” I said with strained curiosity.

“Ya wanna hear a story about it?” The Butter-Cutter asked.

“Yes. Please,” I answered.

“This is no shit! On this FOB in Afghanistan, there weren't alotta women 'n' the powers ta be worked real hard ta keep porn away from us. So, without good shit ta look at, life with Mother Palm 'n' her five daughters got old real fast. Then, one day, this guy got one o' them annatypically-correct blow-up dolls from one o' his buddies back home.” (2)

“No!” I interjected. The term is 'anatomically-correct' blow-up doll; that is to say, a doll that has all the female parts.”

“Oh, horseshit, I like 'annatypically' better; besides, we called her 'Anna' fer short. Now, if yer through screwin' with my words, I'll get on with the story. The first night this guy had her 'n' before they got together, his buddy kidnapped her. He took Anna outside the FOB perimeter 'n' jumped on her!  Then, all hell broke loose! Ya see, he laid Anna down on a nest o' scorpions. So, when he put the meat ta her, he pressed Anna down on them scorpions 'n' they got all pissed-off. A bunch o' them stuck their stingers inta Anna goin' right through ta his cock 'n' balls. That mother f***er came up offa the deck like he was shot from a gun screamin' ta high heaven with Anna pinned ta his his cock 'n' balls. Man, they were face-ta-face with him wavin' his arms around 'n' makin' her arms ta wave around too: They looked like a half-naked man 'n' a full-naked woman beatin' the shit outta each other.  Now, Anna stayed stuck ta his cock 'n' balls in an upright position as they ran 'n' stumbled back through the lines. It was the weirdest freakin' thing ya ever did see. When they got inside the perimeter, they fell down 'n' rolled around like they were f***in' 'n' fightin'. After a few rolls, Anna finally broke free. Poor ole Anna looked horrible layin' there exhausted, totally outta breath because o' all them scorpions stuck in her!”

'What! You lament over a blow-up doll; what about the Marine?” I asked.

“F*** him! We had alotta horny Marines on that FOB 'n' only ONE Anna; don't forget, that hard-up bastard kidnapped her. Anyhow, when we got ta him, he was actin' crazy, cursin' his buddy up a blue streak. He blamed it all on his buddy; cuz, if he hadn't got Anna in the mail, this shit wouldn't o' happened ta him. So, he broke away from us 'n' ran over ta beat the shit outta him. The poor son-of-a-bitch was asleep in his bunk when this half-naked nut-case jumped on him screamin' 'n' punchin'. But, it worked out OK; they got EVACed together.”

“I could hardly believe the insensitivity of The Butter-Cutter toward a fellow Marine. Yet, I naively asked, “What happened to the doll . . . excuse me, Anna?”

“The officers took her 'n' said they were gonna get rid o' her; but, us Snuffies figured they were gonna gang-bang Anna. Ya see, we knew officers had 'needs' too. Anyhow, later we heard that they had a Circle-Jerk in the 'O' Club tent while droolin' over Camel Toes. Naturally, we figured they fixed-up Anna 'n' put her in the center o' their Circle ta turn themselves on. WRONG! Them dumb-shit officers had a real live camel in the center o' that Jerk session.  They thought that whenever us Snuffies talked about Camel Toes, we meant . . . CAMEL TOES! Anyhow, the Circle-Jerk didn't go so well. Them officer-types, all whippin' their Willies 'n' starin' at real camel toes, weren't gettin' anywhere. So, they called it off; but the freakin' camel wouldn't leave. The camel driver said she had fallen in love with all them officers 'n' he wanted 'em ta buy her. They told him ta go f*** himself 'n' ta get that freakin' thing offa the FOB er they would shoot it. So, he pulled 'n' cursed 'n' got the thing outta there.” The Butter-Cutter related with uncharacteristic calm.

“That's bizarre!” I said shaking my head. “So, the camel left with her toes intact?” I asked with a wry smile.

“Well, yeah, but them freakin' camels are like elephants--they don't forget! That camel kept coming back ta that “O' Club tent lookin' fer them officers. Hell, they even tore the thing down 'n' she then looked fer 'em where they slept. Well, one night, she got inside the FOB 'n' found this stud lieutenant asleep in his bunk. Actually, one o' them officers told me they thought all along the freakin' camel had the hots fer him alone 'n' not the whole group. Anyhow, whatever the camel tried ta do, that lieutenant was so pissed, he flew outta the sack 'n' emptied his Berretta inta the camel. Ya would a guessed it, them shitty-ass 9mm bullets only pissed-off the camel 'n' she tried ta bite 'n' kick him. So, the lieutenant grabbed a SAW, 'n' usin' it like a club, he beat the thing ta death. After that, all the other officers got on his case real bad . . .” (3)

Interrupting, I asked, “Because he killed the camel?”

“HELL, NO! They blamed HIM fer the camel comin' back all the time 'n' screwin' up their sleep. After that, they called him, 'Ali The Camel Magnet.' " 

I stood there for a few minutes staring at The Butter-Cutter as he busied himself handing out butter to Marines passing through the virtual Chow Line. Silently, I toyed with the idea of asking him if this story was true or not. Then I remembered that he said at its start, “This is no shit!”

Semper Sea Stories,

Anthony F. Milavic

Major USMC (Ret.) 

(2) FOB: Forward Operating Base or Forward Operations Base

(3) SAW: Squad Automatic Weapon

Waddaya think?

(40 Thinks)


m said: September 2, 2008

Waddaya mean "Sea Story?" I believe them ocifers did it.


said: September 2, 2008 

I think I've heard the term camel-toe for quite a while before OEF and OIF. And, yes the resemblance is incredible, lol.


said: September 2, 2008 

In long life of reading sea stories, this one is completely off the charts. Its so bizarre, it rings true because you could not invent it. Well, maybe Marines in the desert could dream it up but I doubt it. Hilarious.

Dick G

 said: September 2, 2008

Nuthin' stays in Vegas anymore... Now, back in the OLLLD Corps....

Joe Fellows

 said: September 2, 2008

This is the best Butter-Cutter yet--SUPER LOL!

Terry Crews

 said: September 2, 2008

I have known several Anna's. We had two in our bar hootch in DaNang. She even flew one day with the XO and joined the mile high club. Only problem is as you climb in altitude Anna gets bigger and the crew chief has to keep letting the air out of her. then when you come back down she has to blown back up. A lot of crew coordination. Nothing better than a well oiled H-34 crew.

Afghan Vet

 said: September 3, 2008 

I suggest adding Annas to Afghanistan bound Care Packages.

Maj. A.F. Milavic, USMC (Ret.)

 said: September 3, 2008

Since posting the subject item at: www.thebutter-cutter.com, I have received several off-line response that The Butter-Cutter's language in this item is "over the top." In the preceding 21 installments of The Butter-Cutter, his language, in my judgment, has always been reflective of a Marine, who: (1) is very junior in rank; (2) is not happy with his current assignment; (3) has never heard of the Politically Correct; (4) has attitude; and, (5) is descriptive of the subject matter. I believe this 22nd installment is faithful to that tradition. I would very much APPRECIATE on-line responses to the above. Semper The Butter-Cutter,

Jack Du Bois

 said: September 4, 2008

Major I am a very unusual SgtMajor. I do not drink, smoke, swear, drink coffee or go to Church. Just the way I was brought up. I can hear my Marines saying all this now and I would laugh with them. But it is not something I would say or write. As long as I am started, I have to say that this is what is causing tons of trouble with our young people ltoday. Dirty language and sex is all they hear and read about. When I graduated from HS I stil did not know what it was all about till I joined the Corps. I, for one, am sorry the world is going in this direction. Sorry for the answers I gave, but you asked for them. Semper Fi Jack Du Bois

Bruce L. Jones

 said: September 4, 2008

Well now ... the world of the politically correct is so pervasive that few people now days realize they fall under it's sway. As for the B-C ditties, I always felt they were on the milder side as far as language goes. Extremely mild when compared to the way the real-life Marine Corps USED to be like. Having just this week been audience to a Marine Warrant Officer expressing himself to a Gunny ... I'd have to say the B-C language still seems mild, even for today.

Richard Spencer:

Septmber 4, 2008

I think the language in Camel Toe was right on the mark for your intent.  I like the no BS, gritty style of your writing.  Most seniors don't really relate to the opinions of juniors.  I appreciate your sense of humor.  Keep it up.  I'm a 31 year retired Colonel, and my dad was a SgtMajor, I wasn't offended.  Great job!!!!  



 said: September 4, 2008 

Sounds like just about every LCpl-network conversation I over-heard in the infantry. The BC is keeping it REAL! Remember, the movie Jar Head didn't impress HQMC either, but it was a hit with the troops.

MGySgt Terry Murray, USMC (Ret.)

 said: September 4, 2008 It's great stuff ! It is not over the edge. That's what makes it believable to the old retired Marine. Keep up the good work, Anthony


 said: September 4, 2008 Approve DeleteAnthony, ref Butter Cutter language being "over the top...piss in their oatmeal......"they" seem to be long on PC and short candor. I do not see "them" taking up the cudgel to tell it like it is for the troops. On second thought...piss in their ear until it comes out the other side.


 said: September 4, 2008 


MSgt C.B. Clement, USMC (Ret.)

 said: September 4, 2008

Sir, You keep "The Butter-Cutter" saying what he says and how he says it. As I've told others on other talk groups, "if you don't like what I say, leave!". No PC crap with "The Butter-Cutter", please!


 said: September 4, 2008 


If the Language gets the point across & saves Lives Then so be it .... A war & it's MEN cannot be BABIED Lives & countries are @ stake there is no time to wonder if there are feelings that are going

 to be hurt .. Step up to the plate & face the TASK Assigned our country was built fro BLOOD , SWEAT & TEARS Not TEARS because someone used the wrong language


 said: September 4, 2008 

Anthony I haven't seen it yet but will get to a computer today and read, but having seen the other 21 BC's my gut tells me the negaive comments are from those who have not met or been a private in the infantry! BC represents the lowest common trooper in our formations who is still junior enough in the military to have raw (personal) common sense and an under developed vocabulary that is normally riddled with four letter words to compensate. In other works he hasn't drank the coolaide yet!

ken martin

 said: September 4, 2008 

What`s that old adage..."we sleep well because rough men take up arms to protect us " ...or something like that... rough language and all. so be it.

Dick G

 said: September 4, 2008

Old Marine Saying.... You can shock the sh!t troops But ya cannot sh!t the shock troops -Author Unknown

Jerry Turley

 said: September 4, 2008

This one brought back memories of India Company, 3rd Battalion 4th Marines...62-64. Sounds right on. For those that don't like the lingo, that's what the delete button on the computer is used for....move on....Jerry Turley

Maj Joe Burroughs USMC (Ret) 0205/0250

 said: September 4, 2008 

The website does warn that it is a "verbal schrapnel" rich domain. I retired from the "Crotch" in 1992 (just shy of 25 years of active service). As an enlisted Marine inifantry rifleman (0311) and POW Interrogator (0251), my "colleagues" often pointed out that my own language when on active service was VERY verbally schrapnel rich. I have been teaching high school social studies for over 15 years now, and I have definitely cleaned up my "salty lingo" - I have very rarely used "authentic enlisted (or CWO/LDO) Marine Corps lingo in my new career. However, I frequently use very cleaned-up versions of that lingo when I cover the Cold War and Vietnam War periods in US History. (Commie Pinko Faggot and Slope-headed, slant-eyed, rice-propelled, paddy-pounding little motorscooters are just two examples). For those who object to some of the language in "Camel Toes", I agree with Jerry Turley (longtime no see!) that the button is quite easily accessible. We semi-Old Corps Little Green Amphibious Monsters appreciate the authenticity of the language - it brings back VERY fond memories of our youth. Keep 'em coming, Anthony! Semper trying to keep my lingo clean! Joe Burroughs


 said: September 4, 2008 

Salty language is not the sole monopoly of the junior ranks, as a newly promoted Major serving with the Naval Security Group in Washington D.C., I listened (with great joy) as the freshly frocked Rear Admiral (Lower Half)...i.e. Commander Naval Security Group, lambasted his "platoon" of Navy Captains for more than an hour. His verbal antics employed the F bomb and numerous other of its friends with great color and magic. Amazingly the immaculate dress white uniforms of the assembled Senior Officers were unblemished by his diatribe.

Jack M. Whitesell

 said: September 4, 2008 

I was one who advised the Gunny---that the last story was not in good taste----and felt that if you were ever to put out a book on BC---- this chapter would not fit in---- I an just a kid from a little town of 1000 in Illinois and my values in life reflect certain taboos---- I have seen pictures taken in Saudia in the early days of my days with Fluor Corp-----[a huge petro-chemical engineering Co.]----- people who I pointedly consider Ragheads lineing up behind a Camel-----a short stepladder in the picture----I believe this behavior to be sub human-----and blowup dolls fall in the same category---- Would not advise putting my Marine Corps in the same bed----- Jack Of WW-2 vintage----

Jock said: 
September 4th, 2008 10:52 am
Well, Anthony, having only recently been introduced the term "camel toes" by a woman of my acquaintance who had referred me to the Wickipedia entry on the subject, I was not horrified at your story. I guess I am naive, but in my 78+ years that included more than 30 in the Marine Corps, I found it disturbing. I must say, however, that nothing the current generation does regarding sex surprises me any more! I suspect your story is representative of them, and, so, while shocking to me, I can accept it as a lampoon of that current generation. Keep up the great work maybe a little less raw
? -- Semper fidelis

LtCol Edward Benes said:
   September 4th, 2008 11:52 am

I, for one, do not get offended by four letter words, though I don't choose to use them in my personal dialogues. What I do object to, however, is the theme of perverted sex acts among Marines, whether officer or enlisted. This, to me, does not provide any redeeming value to the reader. Too often I observe in most Hollywood movies the officers depicted as inept, ego-driven jerks, Staff NCO's as incompetent buck-passers, and NCO's as either blood-thirsty killers, or drug-filtered escapists from the horrors of war and battlefield atrocities. Reality is fine with me . . four letter words I can accept. But why do we have to resort to profane acts to try to get a laugh. It just ain't funny to me. You asked for feedback . . there's mine. By the way . . I was prior enlisted, and I believe my feelings on the matter would be the same had I never been promoted beyond PFC. My image of the Marine Corps is of a courageous bunch of men, and women, doing heroic things under trying circumstances. Salty language in a fighting hole is reality. This article on "camel toes" is beneath what I consider respectful and worthwhile reading.

MSgt Michael McKeever, USMC (Ret.) said:

   September 4th, 2008 12:11 pm

I recognized both the subject matter and the language and was not offended by it. Then again, I was a 19 year old LCpl in a combat zone myself. That's the way we talked and that's mostly what we talked about. Guess you had to be there.

Mike "Gabby" Duva, Colonel, USMC (Ret) JaxNC said:

   September 4th, 2008 1:04 pm

Anthony, In my opinion, given the context of these installments - [i.e., a familiar and well-described virtual venue, and a stereotypical junior Marine informally asked 'what he thinks' about a volatile issue] - based upon my nearly 31 years as an enlisted man and as a commissioned officer, I'd say the Butter Cutter's exuberant use of crude, no-B.S... and yes, profane, language is right on target. It certainly didn't bother me.

martin said:

   September 4th, 2008 1:25 pm

Yeah it was high, but I knew that was likely the case when I VOLUNTEERLY selected the link. Drive on, and thanks for taking time to run your newsgroup! 

Robin Rebhan said:

   September 4th, 2008 5:56 pm

1) For me it was over the top. Clicked off, and moved on without finishing. 2) It is in fact a closed list, not public by any means. 3) I 'd fight to the death for your right to state it the way you did.... at least it was honest and right up front' -Semper Writtem, Robin Rebhan, Albany, NY USA

Dick Culver said:

   September 4th, 2008 9:48 pm

Anthony... While you and I have corresponded a time or two, I was not aware of your "Butter Cutter" Website. Spent the day perusing your work, and have to admit to getting several hours of entertainment from your efforts. I've seen the "Butter Cutter" mentioned in some of Colonel Morris' e-mails, but it went right over my head. Glad I finally checked it out. Enough of this, a couple of years back I started putting my sea-stories together, and started 'em off with the introduction included as a Word for Windows Doc. below. As you can see, I too agree with "The Butter Cutter" on taking care of the troops... Think you read my sea-story on "Infantry Officer by Trade, Intelligence Officer by Accident" and have been accumulating 'em since... Great Website Sire! Semper Fidelis, 

LTUSMC said:

   September 4th, 2008 10:20 pm

Major, This is the funniest thing I've read in years. I must, however, say it has caused me a lot of grief. Everyone, I've past it to believes it's true and, out of frustration, I have stopped trying to convince them otherwise. Keep up the great work.

EJH said:

   September 5th, 2008 5:08 pm

Sir, While a deviation from the usual topical nature of the "Butter-Cutter" discussion, there is nothing in your dialogue that suggests a conversation that Marines aren't having this very minute, on the RAS smoke deck, in the hooch, or standing a lonely watch in front of an armory in some distant shithole. Your story pales in comparison to the tales I have heard and shared among Marines. To think otherwise is to advertise how little time one may have spent in the field with their Marines. And they probably do not want to be "Devil Dogged", and it doesn't mean they don't understand and respect the battle of Belleau Wood. Semper Fidelis,


   September 5th, 2008 7:23 pm

Major, What the fuck is "LTUSMC" saying? This story isn't true? Here at CLNC, it sounds true to us and our experience over there. BTW, there were a lot of Annas in my REALITY outfit. 

RVT said:

   September 6th, 2008 9:45 am

I guess I've spent too much time in the field. Having done so as both enlisted and as an officer in the infantry, I found the content and language of this virtual Butter-Cutter segment mild in comparison to the real world of Marines with whom I have served. Frankly, those Marines who take exception to it must have served their entire careers as liaison officers to the Daughters of the American Revolution rather than with Marines in that Great Sand Box of the Middle East. In other words, Maj. Milavic, if it is your intent for the Butter-Cutter to portray today's Marines, you need to ratchet up the language for you are nowhere near "the top" much less "over the top!" 

Diane Lunsford said:

   September 6th, 2008 3:53 pm

I literally laughed out loud when "Anna" got "laid" on that nest of scopions. - Your stories are so convincing that I can't tell if it's fact or fiction. - I was quite convinced that the officers really did "get off" on those camel toes. - Good one Anthony, not such a serious subject this time.

Mustang Capt. Dutch White, USMC (Ret) said:

   September 7th, 2008 1:10 pm

I don't understand what the problem is. We're Marines. Tell 'em all to get fucked and let's move on. Duh! Mustang Captain Dutch White United States Marine Corps (Ret) (1958-1985) 


said [REF: The above responses]: September 10, 2008

Colonel: I objected to the "Camel Toes" piece, not because of the language, but thought the subject was overly crude and not very realistic.  Then I remembered that most sea stories work out that way.I once wrote a story (fiction) about Marines and was criticized for the language I used in the dialog.  My response was that, if you want to write about Marines, you have to talk like a Marine.I would like to remind everyone that the "Butter Cutter", however realistic he might sound, is fictional.  The Major uses him to make a point.If you use this, you might want to censor it a bit because some of the responses are about as graphic as the "Butter Cutter"'s vocabulary.

Col. Wayne V. Morris, USMC (Ret.) said:

Septembe11, 2008  

Thanks Gunz.

Certainly interesting comments and I enjoy some of the Butter Cutter stuff. After spending 34+ years on AcDu, going from Pvt-SSgt & then 2ndLt-Col before retiring, and then at 64 years of age going "back into a combat environment" and serving with young Warriors again, very little phases me...certainly not a little "earthy language."  That said, however, there are a lot of folks on our WAYMOR Inc list who do not find such things entertaining.  NOW, THAT SAID, there are those of us WHO DO, and some of those folks are open, Bcc.Thanks again and Semper Fi,