15 July 2008

The Butter-Cutter On A Gays And Unit Cohesion Study

Fortunately, there were few Marines in the virtual Mess Hall when I arrived; for, I anticipated a volcanic reaction from The Butter-Cutter to the conclusion in a study by four retired general officers that having gays serve openly in the military poses no significant risk to unit cohesion. *

“Are ya shittin' me? A bunch o' generals said that?” he reacted while turning his head from right to left. “Them f***in' generals either don't know shit er think us Snuffies don't know shit--either way, it pisses me off!”

“In voicing this opinion, these officers are not questioning your intelligence. They pointed out that gays serving openly in British and Israeli units have not adversely affected combat operations,” I explained.

“Man! D'ya see a yarmulke on my head er a glass o' warm beer in my hand? Hell NO! 'n' I don't talk that Hebrew er Queen's English shit either. So, don't put me in a tent with them guys er a queer because I ain't one o' them,” he shot back.

“Alright, you're neither Israeli nor British, but how do you know that you could not serve with an openly gay Marine? If you are both professional Marines, you should be able to function with mutual understanding and respect for each other,” I inquired.

“Have ya forgot what Marine life in the field is like? It ain't no nine-ta-five job! Man, we're forced ta be together 24/7! If I hit the sack next ta some split, my unprofessional cock is wide-awake 'n' lookin' ta make contact! It's the same with faggots: If that mother f***er is in the sack next ta me, his cock is up 'n' lookin' fer cohesion with my asshole; 'n', ain't no professional understandin' goin' ta change its mind. The Corps don't put men 'n' women together like that because it knows we got unprofessional cocks. Them retired generals know that 'n' want ta force us ta be together with faggots? They must be sayin' fagot cohesion with my body don't adversely affect combat operations. I got news fer 'em! When I cut off that motherf***er's cock as it's droolin' fer that cohesion, he ain't gonna be around fer any more combat operations. He's gonna be, like them Frenchies say, a 'whore duh combat.' Ya got that?” The Butter-Cutter said with fire in his eyes. 

“Your protestations are inane! What you fail to realize is that this was a scholarly study conducted under the aegis of the University of California, a distinguished institution of higher learning,” I said.

“No, man! It's YOU who don't realize! That piece o' shit ain't no 'scholarly study.' It's a piece of propaganda posted by a Center o' queers at the University of California [http://www.palmcenter.org/]. A faggot political action Center dedicated ta gettin' rid o' 'Don't ask. Don't tell.' Them generals didn't know that? They knew it 'n' them fagots still kept 'em from the real problem with homosexuals servin' openly in the Armed Forces--THE PRACTICE OF HOMO SEX! The same kinda sex that the religion of a lotta Marines says is 'evil.' If YOU don't see that, yer another brainwashed straight like them generals!” he said in challenging me.

“Oh, come on! COME ON! What wild, if not bizarre accusations! The message that rings loud and clear from your rant is that you are profoundly homophobic and totally unaware that homosexual acts have been practiced since at least the dawn of recorded history. Gays' sexual behavior, therefore, is as natural as that of heterosexuals,” I said in an attempt to educate him.  

The Butter-Cutter bellowed back, “Homo sex is natural, ya say? Bull Shit! I'm homophobic, ya say? DOUBLE BULL SHIT! Screwin' was created by nature to make baby humans: a cock is put inta a pussy; the cock squirts fertilizer on an egg; 'n', nine months later a human baby pops out. That's nature's way 'n' that's what's 'NATURAL!' On the flip side, a homo sticks his cock in another homo's asshole and squirts the same fertilizer on a turd. Now, you tell me, officer-type, how long does it take fer that turd ta pop out as a baby human? IT DON'T; IT WON'T; IT CAN'T 'CUZ THAT KINDA SCREWIN' AIN'T 'NATURAL!' 'n' knowin' them facts o' life makes me, NOT HOMOPHOBIC, but HOMO-AWARE!” 

Semper Homo-Aware,

Anthony F. Milavic

Major USMC (Ret.)