!CAUTION! YOU ARE IN A "VERBAL SHRAPNEL" RICH DOMAIN
YOU ARE IN A "VERBAL SHRAPNEL" RICH DOMAIN
4 May 2010
The Butter-Cutter On Women In Submarines
It had been awhile since my last visit to the virtual Mess Hall and The Butter-Cutter, so I decided to drop by and say, “Hello.”
“There y'are!” he shouted, “I been wonderin' what happened ta ya.”
“I have been very busy,” I said in answering.
“Yes, it does continue the Navy's effort to give females equality in our Sea Service,” I said.
“Equality? This ain't about equality. This is about them Bubbleheads livin' off Sea-Pussy since forever 'n' now they gonna get some real pussy!” The Butter-Cutter intoned.
“ 'Sea- . . . ' what? What are you talking about?” I asked in wonder.
“Sea-Pussy, Man, Mother Palm 'n' Her Five Daughters! What the f*** ya think them Dudes been doin' under water fer all them months on patrol . . . TAKIN' COLD SHOWERS?” he barked back.
“You don't understand. These are professional . . .”
“I don't understand? No, MAN! YOU don't understand!” he said in cutting me off. “After a few weeks away from their Ladies, they're all walkin' around with non-professional stiff dicks! Think back a hundred years when you had a dick that was more than just a hose fer pissin' through! Dicks got minds o' their own 'n' them Spear-Chuckers are finally gonna recognize them Bubbleheads' dicks like they did fer their Swabby buddies on the surface.”
“WHAT? Are you saying that the United States Navy put women on ships to satisfy the sexual desires of their male sailors?” I asked The Butter-Cutter in shock.
“SPOT ON!” he answered. “What do Bitches bring ta a ship's crew that the crew didn't have before? Pussies, that's what! That means the Swingin' Dicks don't gotta wait 'til the ship docks ta get laid! Like I said, the Spear-Chuckers got it right this time.”
“What a horrible thing to say about women serving in the Navy. Why . . .”
“Whoa, Man,” he interjected again. “Way back when, Senator Webb said, 'Women Can't Fight.' So, if they can't fight, what can they do in the Service? They can SCREW! That's what! Hey! Webb was even the Secretary of Navy Spear-Chuckers. So, he oughtta know!” The Butter-Cutter said with conviction.
“Senator Webb disavowed that Washingtonian article entitled, “Women Can't Fight.” In any case, he NEVER said that women in the Armed Forces were there to serve as sexual outlets for their male counterparts,” I said in correcting him.
“No screamin' shit! He 'disa . . '--whatever the f*** ya said--the article when he was runnin' fer the Senate in Virginia. That was just political shuckin' 'n' jivin' he learned from his leader Obummer ta get elected. HE WROTE IT! HE PUBLISHED IT! HE SAID IT AT THAT NAVY OFFICER FACTORY! 'N', HE EVEN CALLED THE HOS THERE, 'THUNDER THIGHS'! MAN, THERE AIN”T NO IFs, ANDs, OR F*** YOUs ABOUT IT: HE MEANT IT!” The Butter-Cutter said in an ever-louder voice.
I tried to change the direction of this converstion by saying, “That is all ancient history. The current Secretary of the Navy has said, 'We literally could not run the Navy without women today,' ” I answered.
“Yeah, sure, 'n' they can't run the freakin' Navy with 'em. In 2008, five-times as many Bitches got kicked-out fer pregnancy than Faggots and Faggettes together.”
“Hold on now! That was in the entire Armed Forces and not just the Navy!” I corrected The Butter-Cutter.
“OK, then. How about them that get pregnant at sea and are sent ta Shore Duty. Some o' the Naval Bases in Norfolk got so many transferred Swelled-Bellies on Limited Duty er No-Duty, they can't accomplish their fightin' missions. Them f***in' Naval Bases oughtta be re-named, 'Naval Incubators.' Now, FORMER Intelligence Officer, what the Secretary o' Navy Spear-Chuckers must o' meant when he said that they can't run the Navy without 'em is that the Navy needs 'em ta accomplish their f***in' mission! So, whose shittin' who?” he shot back.
I had to grit my teeth and compose myself before answering, “OK! Women get pregnant. That still does not mean women are in Armed Forces for the pleasure of the men.”
“My achin' Maggot ass! You don't understand diddly squat! How d'ya think that pregnant shit happens? It happens when MEN ARE GETTIN' PLEASURE! Now, them Bubbleheads are gonna get some o' that Thunder Thigh pleasure!” he said.
“I have about had it with you!” I shot back. “This story is all about the Navy giving equality for women. Your base, if not crude, characterizations are indicative of your manifest failure to understand the profoundly moral and ethical imperatives driving this initiative.”
The Butter-Cutter stared at me for a moment. Then, he shook his head side-to-side and said, “Maaaan, this ain't no equality story. This is a F*** STORY! WAKE UP!”
I turned and left the virtual Mess Hall without responding. "A 'F*** STORY' indeed," I thought as I walked out.
Semper INDEED A F*** STORY!
Anthony F. Milavic
Major USMC (Ret.)